The fact of all family reunions is this: you are traveling an x number of miles to see people that you don't know. This is, at least, the fact of all of my family reunions. For example, yesterday my mom, my dad, and I got in the car and drove an hour and a half to a visitors center at a park we used to go camping at, and I swear to God (sure wish we could leave God out of this), 75% of the people there I had no clue who they were. Of course, this may be because my dad comes from a family of ten, and his mom and dad each come from a family of 12 (or 13 - something like that). Really, I shouldn't have been surprised, and I wasn't, I just kept thinking "so we came all the way here to awkwardly maneuver around people I at least haven't seen before?" The other 25% I could have seen in a 10 minute drive, considering they all lived near by. BUT. Oh well. Which, really, is what you have to say to yourself, because you're there, and you won't be leaving anytime soon. In the meantime, you can at least enjoy the food. And make a list of awkward situations a teenage girl in a chair is bound to come across, and simple ways to survive them.
1. Your great uncle (who you've never met before) telling you how beautiful he thinks you are ("even prettier than your mom").
Thank the old man! Considering that you have just gotten back from the bathroom mirror, and are thinking that today maybe wasn't the day to wear your hair down, this is a grand compliment, and indeed, a grand self-esteem booster, even if you already have enough self-esteem for 1000 other teenage girls. However, this is not a topic you want to linger on, especially with your great uncle you just met. So, smile a dazzling smile, say thanks, and quickly change the subject.
2. Your great aunt's second cousin once removed has just asked you your plans for after high school.
You have two choices. You can tell the truth. "I want to go to New York University to study play writing." No fun. And more importantly, this will lead to more discussions of what you like to write about (controversial matters), if you've written plays before (yes), and what they're about (a teacher falling in love with his student, a girl killed by her parents, and a lesbian who is happier than her straight friend, who attempts suicide 1/2 way through the second act). Or, you can lie so outrageously that they'll be left there to blink and wonder what went wrong with your upbringing. "I'd really like to work as an over-the-phone adult entertainer in New York City, and go to school to become a sting agent." (Ok, so not entirely a lie, BUT, this answer is bound to leave them speechless).
3. The entire clan has just stood up to pray a Catholic prayer that you don't know because you're not Catholic.
Look down at the floor, and mouth "cantaloupe" over and over. No one will know the difference. When it comes time to make the sign of the cross, don't worry, because your arms aren't strong enough anyway.
4. General Boredom
First and foremost, go and explore the building the family reunion is being held in. Look at the pictures on the wall, stare through the windows of locked rooms, and smell any object that looks exciting. Next, go outside. Walk around the entire building, twice. Contemplate the wildlife. Gaze adoringly at the sky. When you get too hot, go inside for a glass of cold water. When inside, group people into categories based on anything and everything. What they're wearing, what Star Wars character they look most like, how many apples it would take to fill your shirt to make your boobs as big as theirs. Be creative. Then, if you still haven't satisfied your lethargy, think about how 1 out of every 5 people have herpes, and pick out which of your relatives have the hurps.
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